I. What Is Emotional Infidelity?

You like each other, you feel good when being together, you love talking to him/her and exchanging funny, intimate, and even sexy mails. He/she gets you. You joke, flirt, and dress nicer when meeting him/her for drinks or lunch. Or, you write long e-mails or tap out those furtive text messages. Yet, there is a problem that he/she is not your husband/wife and your partner (husband/wife) does not know about that person. And, if there is no or has not been sex yet, this could still be called infidelity- emotional infidelity. So, what is emotional infidelity?

Basically, emotional infidelity is an affair that excludes physical intimacy, and is often based on emotional intimacy. This could be referred as an affair of the heart. The emotional infidelity might start innocently as a normal friendship with a person outside of your formal relationship. Over time, you become infatuated, obsessed in several cases with this friend – and finally try to become friendlier, spending much more time with him/her at the cost of your marriage.

Emotional affairs are compelling as it is so easy to be close with someone with whom you have no shared responsibility – no children, no money problems, no chores. Also, it is easy-to-share your deepest feelings with the person with whom you do not have any conflict. Of course, it is so easy to get those good feelings with the person whom you do not live with, do not see all of his/her problems (and vice versa), and who thinks you are perfect. And, if this emotional infidelity does not cause a break up of your current marriage and does not lead to a new lifetime relationship, chances are, you might be end up with the same problems. So, what are emotional infidelity signs in marriage?

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II. Emotional Infidelity Signs – From The View Of The Adulterers/Adulteresses 

1. Think And Say Your Are “Just Friend” With The Opposite Sex 

If you think and say, “We are just friends”, then you need to think again. If it is a member of the opposite sex, you might be swimming in such treacherous waters. This rationale will allow you to make excuses, or more clearly, to tell lies to both yourself and other people about something that you know in your gut is wrong. No matter how strongly those entertainment or TV shows promote such an idea of opposite-sex friendships as not only “okay”, but also “right” to get unconditional trust, fact is, in most cases, an intimate friendship with an opposite-sex person whom you find attractive and interesting comes with risks.

2. Share Your Intimate Problems 

If you treat them as a confidant, and share your secret thoughts as well as deepest concerns, fears, passions, and hopes, then you are at the edge of emotional infidelity. It will build an emotional bond between the two people and time might be better used in compared with marriage relationship. Offering this away to another person is considered as infidelity, regardless of the justification. Especially, this is true as you consider that emotional intimacy is the most powerful and beautiful bond among human relationships, stronger than a sexual one.

3. Discuss The Trouble Issues Of Your Marriage, Even Your Spouse

Venting to a person of the opposite-sex about the shortage of your current marriage, your spouse, and what you could not get to make you feel happy clearly sends a message that you are currently available for someone else to care and love for your own demands. It is a betrayal of trust. It will create such a false feeling of shared connection and the illusion that your comfort, your happiness and your need are entirely valued by this person.

4. Blow Off Other People For Him/Her 

Maybe you do not think there is a problem as you do not blow off your partner for him, yet if you are cancelling on other friends to hang out with him/her, then you might be too close to infidelity.

5. Compare Them Both Verbally And Mentally To Your Spouse 

When it comes to emotional infidelity seen from the view of adulterers or adulteresses, a danger signal is thinking pattern that finds what the “negative” or “unfulfilling” characteristics about your partner are, and what the “positive” or “just right” about that person of the opposite-sex are. This pattern builds the case “support” that person and “against” for your spouse. This is one of a betrayal of trust – emotional infidelity.

6. Cannot Wait To Share The News With Him/Her 

If you find yourself cannot wait to share something new to the person of the opposite sex, not your spouse, then you might in trouble. Especially, it is much true when he/she is the first one that you want to share good news with.  For example, you just got a promotion in your career, or your children achieved a wonderful award, or anything you found interesting. The sense of excitement, expectation, and anticipation produces dopamine in your own brain’s reward centers, promoting toxic patterns.

7. Wish Your Spouse Were More Like Him/Her 

If you start wishing your spouse were more like that friend of the opposite-sex, then you might be in trouble. Sure, your spouse has a lot of great qualities, yet would not it be great if he/she were a better dresser, more punctual, or liked what movies like you did, and so on. Continually comparing your spouse to that person is never a good idea.

8. You Plan What You Will Do Or Say Around That Person

One of clearly signs of emotional infidelity is that you always want to impress that friend with your style, wit, intellect, and charm as well. Besides, you also find it matters much more when what he/she thinks about you than what other people do.

III. Emotional Infidelity Signs – From The View Of The Spouse 

1. Concealing Thinking

If a marriage healthy and faithful, the two spouses will discuss their concerns, hopes and dreams for the future with each other. Sharing this intimacy is the crux of emotional intimacy.

If your partner always hide it, so she might fully get all of the need to share this at somewhere else. It is built on the foundation of a romantic relationship, not merely a simple “friendship”.

Recommend reading: how to overcome infidelity

2. Keeping Secrets 

The relationship between the two people who have adulterous thoughts happen in a silent place without anyone knowing. A key difference between a platonic friendship and an emotional relationship is platonic friendship never lies in the secret place.

3. Schedule Changes 

One of other emotional infidelity signs is schedule changes. All of the sudden changes in your spouse’s schedule, such as working for longer hours, doing both on holidays or spending more time on business trips or company meetings with colleagues or “someone else”special. At the same time, the amount of time between you and your spouse for one another become less and less.

4. More Disparaging 

Another sign of emotional infidelity is that the “emotional scammer” suddenly becomes more difficult,  and decry or critics more, such as the way you dress, how you talk and walk, etc. All are in the “sights”.

When a person falls into emotional infidelity, women will idealize that opposite-sex friend and bring them to compare with their current half. Normally, they only see mistakes and disadvantages of the person whom they are living with.

Check out: how to save your marriage

5. Restlessness 

Although, emotional infidelity is not really like real affair but it is still considered as a “additive substance” which will slowly and gradually penetrate enclosed with the feeling of excited to meet the other person. Since, they always live in the feeling of wanting to encounter or simply getting a message, or a phone call from that person.

6. Grooming 

Those people falling into emotional infidelity will gradually pay attention to their image to make it perfect in the eyes of the person of the opposite sex. And, he/he begins to behave strangely such as sprucing, working on exercise, buying a new perfume or even changing both underclothes.

7. Disclaiming 

No one who is in emotional infidelity will openly dare to publicize their real emotion. Hence, they will deny if someone else is skeptical about the secret relationship.

According to them, emotional infidelity is just an empathy in terms of mental; and it does not include sex, so nothing is wrong. However, the deception that they give to their current half, though just in spirit, is also reprehensible.

The above are all basics about emotional infidelity that you should acknowledge. Have you ever had to stop yourself from getting too close to a male/female friend? If yes, you need to take control of your feelings now as it might lead to real infidelity.

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