How to deal with infertility depression: myths & tips

how to deal with infertility

Infertility is really a complex and usually misunderstood problem, which is why there is lots of confusion around it. If you are having a hard time coping with infertility, you are not alone. It is shown that the psychological stress experienced by females with infertility is rather similar to that problem of women facing with ailments like HIV, cancer, and chronic pain. Really, it is not easy to cope with. This article, made by VKool.com will show you some myths about infertility and tips on how to deal with infertility depression effectively. Just take a look! Chủ để làm thế nào đối mặt vs nỗi buồn bị vô sinh

I. How To Deal With Infertility – 7 Myths About Infertility 

1. It Is Easy For Most Females To Get Pregnant

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In fact, whilst it is true that a lot of women conceive with no difficulty, yet over 5,000 people of childbearing age in the U.S – or on average 1 in 10 couples – have trouble getting pregnant or infertility. There are some certain health problems as well as factors, like age, could impact the ability of conceiving of a woman. For example, the healthy 30-year-old female has approximately 20% chance of conceiving every month, while those at 40-year-old just have a 5% chance of getting pregnant. However, infertility could impact women at all ages, from all backgrounds.

2. Males Do Not Have Infertility Problems

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It is often thought that infertility is a “females’ problem”, nothing is further from the truth. Fact is, approximately 35% of infertility cases remedied in the U.S are because of a female issue. However, the similar percent also happens to males. About 20% to a certain problem in both partners, and about 10% to those unknown causes.

3. Infertility Is Often A Psychological – Not Physical – Issue 

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Some relatives and well-meaning friends might say that “infertility sources from your head” or “do not worry, you will get pregnant”. However, in reality, this problem is a condition or disease of the human reproductive system – not a psychological problem. Fact is, one or even more physical problems are identified in a large number of those infertile couples. Therefore, whilst going on vacation, relaxing, or finding certain positive manners to relieve stress could enhance your well-being generally, actually these lifestyle changes will handle with your infertility issues at their root causes.

Read more: tips for great sex experience

4. Couples “Working” Hard Will Finally Get Pregnant 

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Nowadays, there are many modern methods invented to help diagnose and improve the chances of getting pregnant for couples. And, it is said that more than 50% of all couples pursuing treatment will gain a successful pregnancy. Besides, it is crucial to keep in mind that infertility is really a medical condition and sometimes untreatable – no matter how hard the two of you “work” at handling it.

5. When The Couple Adopts A Kid, The Female Partner Will Get Pregnant 

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This myth might be not only painful for those infertile couples when hearing it, but it is untrue. Of course, for an infertile couple, adopting a child will be a good way to form a complete family. However, the truth is, just about 5% of couples adopting later become pregnant. This rate is the same for those who do not adopt and get pregnant with no further remedy.

6. Husbands Usually Leave Their Partner Once They Are Infertile

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It is mentioned that infertility is a medical condition which impacts both men and women with the equal percent. Actually, about 40% of the time, the husband is either the only or the contributing cause of the condition. Though a lot of couples find the testing and treating process of infertility stressful, rigorous, and intrusive, aside from costly, they still overcome it together. Even, some couples find their marriage and relationship become much stronger after that period.

7. Infertile Couples Could Never Be Fulfilled And Happy

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Suffering from infertility obviously fills a couple with grief, sadness, anger, and even a sense of failure. Whilst it is rather normal for infertile couples to experience a range of strong emotions, most couples move through this crisis steadily and successfully put it into such better perspective. For a few couples “moving on” means that they should let go of the dreams of having a baby. On the other hands, other couples decide to adopt while others find some ways to fulfill themselves without or with children.

II. How To Deal With Infertility – 20 Helpful Tips

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Infertility, a medical problem, could affect all aspects of the life, ranging from the way you feel about yourself, your relationship with your life partner, to your perspective on life. It could be especially stressful in that it creates a big deal of uncertainty in daily life of that couple. Hence, if you are dealing with infertility, you might not be strange to stress. Nevertheless, there are always ways to decrease anxiety and stress. Make use of the following tips on how to deal with infertility depression below to bring such a calmer perspective to your current life.

1. Realize That A Fertility Is A Crisis

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A fertility issue might be one of the hardest challenges you will ever cope with. Acknowledging this is a key to face with it. In reality, it is normal to feel a monumental sense of loss, feel overwhelmed, sad or stressed. You should not chastise yourself for feeling that way. Just simply face and accept the emotions to move beyond them.

2. Understand Your Feelings 

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In order to know how to deal with infertility, it is important for you to acknowledge properly your own feelings – which are entirely normal. Experiencing infertility tests as well as procedures monthly could be physically, emotionally, financially draining. Also, feeling as if you are not able to control your own body, and the results of your remedies could be debilitating and stressful as well. Hence, for a lot of couples, the dream of a biological child could be a lifelong dream. Yet, due to infertility, that dream becomes shattered, or at least put on hold temporarily.

3. Share Your Thoughts, Fears And Questions

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When dealing with infertility, it is useful if you can find someone, who could help answer your concerns and questions, or who is sensitive to your emotions and understand your fears. Ideally, find a fertility specialist or a counselor. Or, you could take part in a group which could support your problem. By meeting couples who also have the similar problem as yours, you could be sure that you are not alone. Above all, you can find those like-minded individuals who can share your concerns, feelings and problems.

4. Do Not Blame Yourself 

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Among many tips on how to deal with infertility depression, it might be crucial for you and your partner to avoid blaming yourself. Resist the temptation to get frustration at yourself or to those negative thoughts emerging in your mind.

People might nurture many negative thinking patterns that just make their problem worse, so instead of blaming yourself, you should look forwards to the way that you and your partner will manage the situation. Remind yourself that it is not your fault. Even if you could have made a certain different decision in the past, they are still behind you. So, focus on the future.

5. Let Yourself Be Angry And Cry

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It is not easy to overcome that life crisis. Thus, you should not try to repress your own feelings of sorrow, anger, or guilt. If necessary, you can cry about that “unfairness” of another birth announcement or pregnancy. It is not your fault. If you feel frustrated and need to hit a punching bag or pound a pillow, just simply go ahead and release all of the feelings. Try to plan a certain time point of the day to focus on your feelings about infertility, let them come up. That way, you will address and release your feelings, feel much better and also have more energy to move on.

6. Allow You To Grieve 

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Even when you hope to have a successful pregnancy, your own unconscious mind still has started grieving for the biological child that you have not had yet. Because unresolved grief could be a main source of anxiety, you might experience of mourning to feel better again. Whether you write down your own feelings or talk with your family members or a friend, just make sure that you can acknowledge and also work through that grief. Let it go then.

7. Keep A Journal 

keep a journal

Actually, the journal could be a truthful and comforting friend who will never get upset or angry or busy to listen to your sharing. Even more, it is always available at anytime you need, when you could not call your friend because it is midnight. When recording what you think, you can uncover insights that you even did not know that you had.

8. Stay Connected To Friends And Family

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Another tip on how to deal with infertility depression is building reconnection with your close friends and family. Though you might feel a fierce connection towards those friends who also have infertility issues, it might be helpful for you if allowing those who are close to you to give their support and love to you. If your relatives and friends are not informed about your condition, then you should educate them about the problem that you are experiencing. You may recommend a good book on this issue, or let those people know how you wish to be treated. For example, you can say, “Let me cry when I am sad”.

Check out: How to control anger effectively

9. Communicate With Your Life Partner

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Infertility could damage a marriage, often leading to unspoken resentment, sexual pressure, feelings of inadequacy, and tension between the couple. Moreover, a woman and a man may respond differently to this problem. For example, men act more emotionally distant while women become more openly distraught. Therefore, if the depression of infertility causes a rift between the two of you, then it is necessary for you to find a counselor. Even just several counseling with the professional who is expert in infertility could help you quickly regain the footing as a normal couple and assist you in moving on together.

10. Try Tenderness

try tenderness

Another way to reconnect with your spouse is to reestablish the intimacy between you in sensual and non-sexual ways. For example, you could make him a special meal or drink, buy a fun present, or get film tickets or simply hold hands, hug, go for a walk, etc. Whatever it is, it can give yourself a better mood.

11. Take Good Care Of Yourself Through Other Interests 

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Going through the procedure of infertility treating makes you feel like a part-time, even a full-time job. Hence, it is crucial for you to keep up with other relaxing activities that bring yourself pleasure.

We all know that it will not be easy, particularly if you are doing something like going for a blood test day after day, yet looking for something to take care of, apart from your spouse, is a good way to take care of yourself. It is recommended that you should get a comfortable massage, or have a manicure, or anything which could give you a relief from the concentrate of fertility problem and treatment.

12. Get Informed

get informed

Actually, one of the bad instigators of stress is exactly the uncertainty about the future. In case that you experience months, even years of infertility procedures, you will almost live with uncertainty for a long time. In order to lessen some of your concerns and questions about the future, you should do some researches on your current situations as well as options. For example, you could stay current on your own problem and treatments, research all of the options for infertility, and think about alternatives, like adoption, and whether they can work for your family. Though you could not project exactly the future, you could still arm yourself with necessary knowledge and background to gain a peace of mind.

13. Look For Useful Ways To Decrease Stress

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The best manner to calm down your anxiety as well as increase your mood is to base on those tried-and-true dealing methods that you have successfully used in the past. For example, some individuals find that going for walk or starting a new certain hobby could help them alleviate stress and tension effectively. On the other hand, others might discover that reaching out to surround people, praying, meditating or taking part in a support group, doing yoga could help them feel much better. It does not matter what type of strategies you use to reduce your stress, as long as it makes you feel younger and better, it is good for you.

14. Set The Limits On How Long You Are Ready To Try

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A few couples decide to not undergo those extreme measures in order to get pregnant while others might spend many years plus with a huge amount of money on going through different treatment options.

Actually, no one could tell you when you could stop trying to have baby, biologically. The decision is up to you and your spouse, with the consultation of the doctor. Nevertheless, you will feel more in control of your own life if you could begin thinking in advance about how long and how far you want to go to have baby. Begin by discussing the medical treatments to get pregnant, which you are not ready to try and your final goals.

15. Work As A United Team With Your Spouse

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The two of you should help each other overcome and move on this hard time. However, it does not mean that both of you need to feel the same thing at the same time as it might be one of the most popular mistakes for those couples coping with fertility problems. Also, it does not mean that you need to pay attention every time about what your spouse is going through. Just simply take care of each other emotionally to fight the crisis effectively. The two of you should work together to find useful ways to share unwanted burden. If you are undergoing the treatment, let him take care of the insurance papers. On the other hand, if he undergoes injected therapy, then you could administer the shots.

16. Decide How Much You Would Like To Pay Off 

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In order to treat infertility with IVF (in vitro fertilization), you might need about $12,400 a cycle. Thus, it is of course a worry for most couples, especially since women usually need to undergo multiple cycles before becoming pregnant.

Thus, to face with this anxiety of financial problem, you should sit down and develop a serious plan of financial. Begin with your insurance: find out precisely what it can cover and what it could not. If it covers majorly your treatments, then decide which one you are going to monitor the paperwork and then negotiate with the enterprise of insurance.
After that, you should look at your own capability of paying and decide how much you could spend as well as one which treatments. Prepare for yourself a backup plan because nothing, particularly with fertility remedies is certain.

17. Know How To Breathe Properly

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When it comes to tips on how to deal with infertility depression, a good way to help you calm down is to follow deep breathing techniques, either with your partner or alone. The simplest exercise is: sit comfortably, eyes closed, take long, deep, and slow breaths. Breathe in and out through the nose; fill the diaphragm as well as chest with the fresh air. Then, release. Try to do this exercise for about 5 minutes when you feel anxious or are going to talk with your partner about infertility. This can help you relax and make the conversation between the two of you becomes more focused and less tense.

18. Pay Attention To Your Diet 

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As you have taken a large amount of time, money, and energy on infertility remedies, you might neglect your overall health. So, it is necessary for you to refocus to it via your diet plan. If you are experiencing a stressful period, then you should limit the intake of salt, sugar, saturated fats as well as white flour. Also, eradicate chemical additives, caffeine, and alcohol from your current diet. That way, you can keep a healthy body to pursue long lasting infertility treatments.

Recommend reading: how to plan a healthy diet

19. Say No To The Baby-Focused Activities 

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If people around you, your relatives, and your friends had babies in a few years ago, or you keep getting invited to the baby showers, then you should give yourself the permission to reduce the invitation. That way, you will not force yourself to think too much about your problem.

In order to avoid hurt feelings, you can send a gift, yet opt for children’s book or any online gift certificate to save your own an uncomfortable trip to the baby boutique or toy store.

20. Balance Realism And Optimism 

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It is necessary for you to be optimistic while going through the procedure. Nonetheless, if you become too hopeful, or your hope is too unrealistic, then you might be setting your own up for a big fall. Once the results are not as good as your hope, you will be shocked. By acknowledging the basic information about the current technology and your own diagnosis; you will know the real chance of success that you are going to get with each remedy.

The development of medical technologies discovered today results in man people keep trying and testing for a long period of time. However, the fact is, about 1/3 of the couples going through the infertility treatment will not be able to have a biological baby, and most of them then can make peace with that fact to move on with their life. Thus, staying realistic could assist you in making smart choices when going through the various types of treatment.

Well, there might be some days when nothing seems to successfully work for your couple, and you might still feel distraught and drained. Yet, anticipate the possible happening things and prepare yourself for them is always a good way for you to know how to deal with infertility depression. Yet, do not lose your hope after all!

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