There are a lot of ways on how to stop fighting in a relationship, yet do you really want to follow them? Constant fighting in a relationship is not healthy, yet sometimes it occurs. If you find yourself continuously fighting with your girlfriend or boyfriend, then you need to consider the following tips collected by VKool.com on how to stop fighting in a relationship so you could get back to enjoying each other. Keep in mind that, fights are often caused by underlying problems and misunderstandings!
How To Stop Fighting In A Relationship – 12 Sure-Fire Tips
1. Deal With Your Own Emotions First
When it comes to frustration management, there are many ways to chill out and each person has their own way to do so. If you find yourself on the edge of a fight with your partner, then you need to take a moment to handle with your own emotions, and allow them to do the same. In many cases, it might be the best for you to do so alone. Just simply do whatever can bring your high energy down, like walking or listening to loud music. Write down your angry note, then destroy it.
This can work best if you let your partner know ahead of time how you could best deal with stress. Before finding yourself in a fight, you should know how your partner tackles anger and also make sure that they acknowledge what you need. Even, you could say, “I need to listen a song”, “I need to go for a walk. Let’s talk in the next several minutes”. This will be better than “Whatever.”
And, more importantly, if you could calm down, you will feel like that everything becomes better. However, if the problem of your relationship is serious, then maybe it will not disappear because you rocked out for a walk.
2. Handle With The Problem When Coming Back
Once you have just calmed down, you can start approaching the situation rationally. When coming back to have a conversation with your partner, take a collaborative approach. When you engage an issue as you vs. your partner, you could create barriers that just make your happy relationship harder. And, when the discussion is done, you should make sure that you will take action. Your own ability to communicate is crucial and helps with feeling more of a bond with your loved one. Yet, if there is nothing changed, you might have the similar conversations again in the next week. Once the two of you have built what should be changed, you should follow the same tactics in order to create good habits. Remind yourself later about things that your beloved one wants to change. Do not just rely on your memory alone.
3. Avoid Leaving Things Unresolved
Though it is difficult for you while in a fight, and you have probably heard it before, going to bed with your anger will not solve anything. This could leave you both feeling resentful and really could make the fight last much longer. So, why don’t you deal with the fight before going to bed or at least talk it out to help the two of you feel better?
4. Learn To Accept Your Partner
No one is perfect, and each person has their own flaws. Some of the flaws are the things which you need to do with while the others are something that you need to accept. This is where accepting each other for who you are really comes in handy. In reality, your girlfriend might never be the girl who could not stop nagging, or your boyfriend might never be the man who brings home beautiful flowers, yet these are the things which you had better learn to accept.
5. Figure Out The Underlying Causes Of Your Problem
All fights have a certain root of their own. If you could figure out precisely what the root of your problem is, then you can solve the problem and also deal with the fight easily and quickly. Though it is not easy, it will be worth doing it.
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6. Admit Your Part Of The Fight And Work On Your Own
Fact is, one of the most serious issues that most people have in a fight is that they get into their own head space and they do not necessarily own up to their own part of the fight. It is rather difficult to admit that you are wrong and take the blame, but it is necessary to do. It is really healthy and makes the other person appreciate you.
In other words, your partner could not be the one at fault during every single fight. If you do something bothering your loved one, you should work on fixing it. Actually, you could not expect your partner to change into someone better whilst you are putting in no effort. The two of you both have to try.
7. Avoid The “But”
You had better eradicate the “but” word from your vocabulary as being in a fight. Do not use the sayings like, “But if you do this,” or “But if you did that,” as they do not make you feel better. Sometimes, that word can make your fight last longer.
8. Keep In Mind What Is Important
Eventually, you need to remember what is important to your relationship and to you as well. Just bear in mind that the two of you are together for a certain reason. Though it is hard to do this, it is really important.
9. Remember That You Can Lose Your Partner
Sometimes, even if your man has stuck around after lots of terrible fights with you, he may not do so in the upcoming time. Thus, the next time you fight with him, you should bear in mind that the fight might end your current relationship. Ask yourself that if fighting or yelling at him over a certain problem is worth losing him, that way you will be better at opting for when to yell and when to let it out.
10. Put Yourself In Your Partner’s Shoes
Putting yourself in one’s shoes is always necessary in a relationship. By that way, you can look at the problem from your partner’s point of view. It can help you calm down and also avoid additional fights.
11. Find The Humor
In this list of tips on how to stop fighting, making use of humor in the situation is a good way to cool down the anger of the two people. This also helps in keeping the mood light.
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It is said that the quickest manner on how to stop fighting is to apologize. However, you could not just say, “Well, sorry” and then sit there and expect things to be magically oaky. You need to apologize the right way. This is another read that strips many people up: we tend to equate apologizing with becoming morally wrong. So, why should you apologize when you do not believe that you have done anything wrong?
However, being “correct” does not mean that you are “right”. Apologizing is not just about who is right and who is wrong. Fact is, it is all about taking responsibility for how you have just made the other person feel. The sincere apology means really understanding why your loved one is sad with you and facing with your part in having made it occur.
Initially, you need to make sure that you understand what you are apologizing for. In fact, the best manner to do so is to summarize your own understanding as why your loved one is upset. Then, simply listen. Avoid defending yourself – just listen to why your partner is upset. After that, apologize for it.
Did you do something wrong? Well, that might be debatable, sometimes. However, what is not debatable is the manner you made your partner feel. If you really care about the lover, then you damn well better care about how you made her or him feel.
You should notice carefully this is an active voice. There is nothing infuriating than such a weaselly non-apology like “I am sorry you were hurt”. It is like you are putting the blame on the partner for being unreasonable, instead of taking your responsibility for your own part in the conflict.
And, above all, you should not apologize just to make the conflict stop temporarily. This is incredibly insulting your partner and is only going to hasten and worsen the inevitable demise of your own relationship.
On the other hand, if you are the one who is being apologized to, you should accept the apology without editorializing. Responding to the apologizing saying “I am sorry, I was an asshole” with the saying “Yup, you were” will just start the fight over again.
Above are top 12 useful tips on how to stop fighting that you need to follow if you really want to minimize the risk of fights in your relationship. Hopefully, you have discovered the best solution for your relationship.
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