How to be more assertive at work & in life: 10 easy tips

express your feelings and demands

Assertiveness could help people control stress and anger and also improve coping skills. Recognize and learn how to be more assertive at work here with the help of VKool.com.

I. How To Be More Assertive At Work And In Life – What Is Exactly Assertiveness? 

how to be more assertive

Assertiveness is all about being present in a relationship. Being assertiveness is a core communication skill which means that you express yourself effectively and stand up for your own point of view, while also respecting the beliefs and rights of other people. In other words, you are able to articulate your wants and needs to the other person, and you welcome their needs and wants as well.

Being assertive could also help increase your self-esteem and earn other people’s respect. Assertiveness involves advocating for yourself in a manner which is proactive and positive. It also means being direct, clear and honest.

For example, if you feel upset with your employer over your performance review, you are able to express your own opinion in a professional and diplomatic way. Again, this is different from the other styles. If you are passive, you may swallow your own feelings and become resentful, which could chip away at your self-esteem and improve anxiety and stress. If you are aggressive, then you may curse out your employer and quit. And, if you are passive-aggressive, you may call in sick and give your employer the silent treatment.

II. How To Be More Assertive At Work And In Life – 10 Super Useful Tips

how to be more assertive

In reality, assertiveness is a skill which takes practice. It might always be easier for you to swallow your feelings, scream at someone or give them the silent treatment. However, assertiveness is a better strategy. It can work because it respects you and other people.

There can be someone cutting in front of you in the grocery store line. And, you are irritated but do not say anything. You disagree with your employer, but also say nothing. Is that sound familiar?

You might think: I am smart, I am confident, and I know what I want. So, why can’t I just say it? Being assertive – standing up for yourself and speaking your mind in such a clear but respectful manner – That could be remarkably hard on a good day.

However, you need to be so but in proper ways. Read on the following tips to discover what should you to be more assertive at work.

Check out: how to be more productive at work

1. Be Your Own Advocate

how to be more assertive

In your defense, it is more of a challenge to state your demands these days. The still-shaky economy might make you feel hesitant to ask for that raise at work. Nevertheless, the payoff of having your own back is enormous. When you say what you want, you are living a happier and more authentic life. Those people who speak up tend to do better at work, have healthier relationships, and have more time.

So, how do you master this important skil? There are three keys: knowing what you really want, believing you have a right to it, and finding the courage to show off it.

To learn more about assertiveness and how to be more assertive, The Assertiveness Workbook is the best guide you should read.

2. Be Honest With Yourself About Your Needs 

how to be more assertive

Acting confident will not do you any good if you could never make up your own mind or are trying to hard to “go with the flow.” People could tell if you already know what you want out of them, and it is much eaiser for them to do what you ask them if you could tell them clearly what that is.

Being too accomodating could make things more difficult for people. Whether you are speaking to insurance agent or a waiter, their task is to serve you and you will make their job about ten times easier if you really acknoweldge what you want.

3. Start Small

how to be more assertive

In order to know how to be more assertive persistantly, you need to start small, step-by-step. Going in unprepared just sets you up for failure. It is suggested that people should try to be assertive in mildly tense situations, like requesting to be seated at a different spot at a restaurant. After that, you can work up to much tougher situations lie talking to your partner about infidelity problems.

4. Learn To Say No

how to be more assertive

Many people worry that saying no is selfish. Yet, in fact, it is not. Rather than, setting healthy limits is crucial to having healthy relationships. If you colleague always asks you to complete his task, then you shoud take a deep breath so you sound calm and say, “No, I am not able to do that,”. If he/she pushes back, repeat, minus one word or two. No, I am not able. This might go on for some rounds.

Try this: each time, you shorten the phrase until you finally just say no. It is very effecive as it will allow you to convey what you really want without getting upset.

To learn more about assertiveness and how to be more assertive, The Assertiveness Workbook is the best guide you should read.

5. Speak Clearly And Slowly 

how to be more assertive

Rush when you talk is an admission that you do not expect people to take the time to listen. Speak slowly so you can show that you are worth the wait. While communicating, use clam, clear voice. It is not neccesasy for you to be loud, but you do need to make yourself heard.

If people are not noticing you, gently say “Excuse me” firmly and clearly. Avoid being apologetic when you have not done anything wrong because it might indicate that you feel slightly embarrassed just for existing.

Try to be concise when speakimg. Keep your suggestions or points sweet and short – long enough to say everything you want to say, yet not so long that makes you feel like you are getting away from the main point.

Avoud saying like or um as much as possible when you are trying to make a strong, firm statement. Make a conscious attempt to get these words out of your words.

6. Let Go Of Guilt 

how to be more assertive

Though being assertive could be tough – particualrly if you have been a people pleaser most of time. Actually, the first several times it could feel unnerving. However, keep in mind that being assertive is imporatnt to your well-being.

Sometimes, you may be unwittingly perpetuating your guilty feelings with worries or negative thoughts. However, what you should do is to replace negative thoughts  with good ones.

Deep breathing can also help relieve your anxiety and worries. Breathe in what you really need – strength, peace, serenity – and breathe out the feelings of guilt, shame and anxiety.

If you still feel uncomfortable, you should put yourself in other people’s shoes. Sometimes, it could be easier to think about speaking up for someone else who you love than it is for yourself.

Learn more: how to think positive

7. Express Your Feelings And Demands 

how to be more assertive

You should not assume that someone will automatically know what you need. Tell them. be clear, specific, honest, and respectful. Also, focus on the real problem, not the minutiae.

To learn more about assertiveness and how to be more assertive, The Assertiveness Workbook is the best guide you should read.

8. Start With Your Family And Friends 

how to be more assertive

This is one of the most basic tips on how to be more assertive. Surprisingly, your dearest and nearest could be the toughest to stand up to. They are the ones we want to please the most. We would rather be unhappy ourselves than dissapoint them.
Though standing your ground could be momentarily uncomfortable, yet it is so worth it. As a result, your own relationship will be much stronger.

9. Accomodating 

how to be more assertive

Behaviour that is too accomodaing is regularly misinterpreted. It could lead other people to taking advantage of you. People who use this behavior usually feel like a doormat where other people walk all over you. Accomodating behavior is used to evade friction of any type. It might leave other people uncertain of your own feelings and consequently other people ignore or disregard you. Those use this kind of behavior usually find themselves “lumbered” with tasks they did not really want to do.

10. Have Confident Body Language 

how to be more assertive

The way you hold yourself speaks much about you – long before you even get an opportunity to open your mouth. So, pay attention to your body language. Keep your shoulders squared and your chin up. Avoid fidgeting  or covering your mouth when you speak. Look other people in the eyes when you speak to express that you do not intend to be brushed off.

In addition, you should not be easy to read, particualrly if you feel nervous or uncertain. If making eye contact is a a probem, you should also practice sunglasses and then work up to doing it barefaced. If you have to avert your gaze, look off into the distance as if in thought, not down.

Even when you feel confused or nervous, you could still act confidently. There is no shame in asking questions.

Above are some sure-fire but effective tips on how to be more assertive that hopefuly can help you become an assertive person. If despite your best attempts you are not making progess towards becoming more assertie, then consider formal assertive training. By becoming more assertive, you could start to express your true feelings as well as needs more easily.

If you have any idea about this lifestyle topic, share your thoughts with us by dropping words below the post. We will feedback soon.

To learn more about assertiveness and how to be more assertive, The Assertiveness Workbook is the best guide you should read.

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