How To Deal With Selfish People In Family And At Work

how to deal with selfish people

There are some people who are just users and abusers; they lie to rub you the wrong way. If you feel like you are always surrounded by self-centered individuals and you do not know what to do, then here are some helpful tips on how to deal with selfish people in family and at work that will make your own life much easier. However, it is necessary to make things clear first: a selfish person has some typical signs. Thus, you had better check out if people around you are selfish, then you will get to know real tips to handle them. Read on the full two-part article from below and start dealing with the self-centered people around you easily!

I. How To Deal With Selfish People – 9 Signs Of Selfish People 

1. They Think They Deserve Special Treatment

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Those selfish friends, people you do not want to get involved with, think they are special. They think that they deserve to be treated in some certain special ways and will ask for big or small favors, even if you are just beginning to get to know them.

2. For Him, You Are Just A Detail 

for him, you are just a detail download

After you do that selfish person a favor, he will barely say thank you, and if he does, it sounds insincere. However, when you try and ask him a favor, he brushes it off and never follows through with it. He or she might give you the evasive answer such as “Ok, I will call you later about this”, yet it never occurs. And, sometimes, he or she acts like you never asked for anything.

3. Shady Plans

shady plans

In fact, the selfish person could cancel a meeting with you even at the last minute, and then he or she gives you the fake excuses and rarely say “I am sorry”. That is because he thinks he is too special to apology someone. As you suggest meeting with him, he will carefully think of every choice he has, and if he does not have anything “better” to do, he might be meet you. He often calls when he is bored and of course, no other plans.

On the other hand, he might decide by himself where he wants to go, and find people to be accompanied with him. Though that is fine, he will suggest it to many people, and it might be likely it does not matter to him who will go with him. In simple words, he decides to hang out with you in order to avoid being alone, not because he really likes you.

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4. You Never Meet His Friends

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A selfish person talks about his or her other friends yet never introduces you to them, always come alone when meeting you. Oftentimes, he or she gives you the good first impression of knowing many people, yet when you listen to those stories he or she tells, you might find that it is totally superficial. Moreover, he always hang out with the individuals he barely knows and you will rarely find him with close friends, yet he always talks to you about the relationships he has with some powerful, special people. It seems to never end.

When you ask him if he can introduce you to some of his friends, he will give you some stupidest excuses why that could not occur “now”, but perhaps a “little bit later.” It really never occurs, yet it is funny to see him try evading your requirement.

5. For Him, You Are Boring 

for him, you are boring download

Another sign of a selfish friend is that he never takes his own time to understand what is really interesting and special about you. To him, the conversation is only a means of getting more power. He tends to express that he is listening, yet in fact, he is just waiting for you to stop talking so you could control the conversation, again. For instance, you say something like “Oh! Hey, you know what I have just read in USA Today, etc,” he will say something like “Yea, sure!”, or “I know that but the really interesting thing is…”. By using some sentences like that, he downplays all things you say as common knowledge. Even, this might happen if you are talking about the new science discovery.

6. He Covers His “Black Hole” Characteristic 

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A selfish person acknowledges that if he acts like himself instantly, he would not make friends. Rather than, he begins by acting like a polite cordial person. Initially, he seems interested in getting to know you, and listen carefully what you say. After that, he steadily begins to withdraw, and then just shows up if he needs something.

The selfish person often brings lots of conversation to the table, and usually has something to talk about. The truth is, he does that for implying an open minded, interested, and interesting personality, yet you could sense that he is not actually interested in any of those topics. He just uses them as the cove for such an empty take-everything-I-can personality. And, it is such a black hole and you could not expect to get the real love from an individual who could just take.

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7. He Is A Confidence Robber 

he is a confidence robber download

Selfish people criticize others and rob the confidence of others in an attempt to feel superior. A person who is self-centered acts controlling towards other people, both friends and family members. Trough domineering behavior, this person will gain control over situations and people, thereby making him more powerful. A certain relationship with a selfish person is rather emotionally draining as the partner is expected to give continuous attention.

8. He Constantly Mentions To The Role Of Ego

he constantly mentions to the role of ego download

Ego plays a crucial role in selfish behavior. Those selfish people have difficulty in seeing beyond himself. The self-centered people look at how problems affect their lives, yet do not consider the feelings of other people. For example, a child graduates from college and moves out of state for a new occupation; a selfish mother wallows in self-pity, claiming abandonment by the child. The mother herself does not stop to think about the feelings of the child around this new life adventure.

9. He Does Not Know He Is Selfish

he does not know he is selfish download

Well, there are some selfish individuals who really start out with the best intentions. They put their own demands as well as desires aside (almost sacrificially) for the greater good of others. Nevertheless, when it comes to taking the real action, their fears and trust problems make it so difficult for them to let go. Thus, they tend to respond by being controlling and sometimes, sabotaging situations. Selfish people rationalize their own actions by saying they were protecting themselves as well as other people from danger or harm. Yet, the truth of the matter here is, they were afraid of moving forward and they projected the fear onto other people. They took away the choice for everyone else to implement what were planned out.

In addition to these useful tips, if you want to know more how to deal with selfish people in family and at work, How To Stay Sane And Deal With A Selfish Person is the best book you should read.

II. How To Deal With Selfish People – 16 Practical Tips 

1. Understand Where They Come From

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The first tip on how to deal with selfish people in family or at work is to acknowledge where they come from. By trying to understand the things that motivate their selfishness and the reason why they constantly act that way, you will figure out how to deal with them more easily. Are they feeling anxious or insecure or are they simply being inconsiderate or mean?

However, understanding does not mean letting someone off the hook. Yet, if you could get behind the behavior and explore the real reason behind it, you will have a better opportunity to respond in such a way that could make it less powerful. People usually make some assumptions about what might motivate people, for both better and worse, yet these assumptions are usually off base.

understand where they come from download

Take some simple samples of understanding what motivates a selfish person, at different ages:

  • Young children are obviously supposed to be selfish. Part of the work of bringing up the children to live in the social world is to help them start to understand that other people also have needs and feelings that need to be respected. However, they are not naturally born with this capacity and it is also inappropriate for those young children to want their needs to be met first and foremost.
  • Elderly and ill people usually seem “selfish” as they tend to focus only on themselves, almost of necessity.

Hence, by understanding the motivation of a selfish person, you will be able to put into action the important coping mechanism.

2. Realization


This maybe the hardest step on how to deal with selfish people, and as much as the family member or friend means to you, you need to ask yourself if you are currently being used in this relationship. In case you feel like you do all the giving whilst the other person just takes, the chances are, you might be used in that relationship. Thus, you had better learn to see the signs. More important, you should accept it if you think you are being used.

In addition to these useful tips, if you want to know more how to deal with selfish people in family and at work, How To Stay Sane And Deal With A Selfish Person is the best book you should read.

3. Avoid Taking It Personally

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Even though the selfish behavior of your friend or family member might bother you a lot and it might even infuriate you in some cases, you still should not take it personally. Just because someone says you are being selfish, it does necessarily mean you do something wrong.

What it means is that they really want you to do something else, which may be right for their own, yet not necessarily right for you. The selfish people act the similar way with everyone, so it is not about you, it is about them. If someone tells you that you are being selfish, it does not mean that you are not a good friend, or all those things are true.

4. Avoid Being Defensive

avoid being defensive

When someone, who is selfish, criticizes you, you should not be defensive. Try to listen to what he or she says and even if this might be hard in some cases, you should control your own temper and constantly remind yourself that you could just change your own perception and not the manner other people see things.

5. Avoid Assuming 

avoid assuming

As mentioned earlier in the previous tip on how to deal with selfish people in family and at work, we usually make assumptions that are misleading and incorrect. The only helpful manner to deal with the accusation of someone that you are being selfish is to ask them what they really mean, in such a thoughtful and quiet voice. Could they explain how you are being selfish and what would they like you to do differently?

Once you could not do that – there are a lot of good reasons that you may be not able to – you could also try to ask yourself the questions above. This way, you will be able to know if something you do is actually bothering them or if they are the people who are being demanding or selfish.

In addition to these useful tips, if you want to know more how to deal with selfish people in family and at work, How To Stay Sane And Deal With A Selfish Person is the best book you should read.

6. Sometime Selfishness Is Healthy

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Before accusing someone of being selfish, you should keep in mind that a certain amount of selfishness is rather healthy. In fact, a healthy amount of selfish will help you take care of yourself and to help other people as well. Even selfless caring and generosity is not actually selfless. Even when it makes you feel rather good to do things for other people, it is still somewhat selfish, isn’t it? Yet, it does not make it bad. In daily life, there are times when it is okay to be a little bit selfish, so you should not judge other people so harshly.

7. Set Boundaries 

set boundaries

If you want to protect yourself from selfish people, you should set some clear and proper boundaries when you handle with them. Speak up for yourself as soon as you feel something wrong and uncomfortable and when the other person starts to step on your own toes. Keep in mind that if you do not allow people to act selfishly, they might be more considerate and act more reasonable.

On the other hand, you need to decide what parts of your own life you could no longer compromise, and then build a real fence around them. Opt for who and what you will let through the gate.

Recommend reading: tips to think positively

8. Avoid Feeding Their Selfishness 

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Yes, if you want to know how to deal with selfish people, you need to stop feeding their selfishness. If you have to handle with a selfish family member on a daily basis, then you should warrant that you do not feed their negative sense of self-importance. Try to stay true to your own and have patience when explaining to them calmly why you like to do a certain thing and not what they require you to do.

In addition to these useful tips, if you want to know more how to deal with selfish people in family and at work, How To Stay Sane And Deal With A Selfish Person is the best book you should read.

9. Detachment


If you are not really stay happy in a relationship with a selfish person, you might feel miserable all the time. It is not easy to break away from a selfish person, particularly when he or she means so much to you.

Confronting or breaking away will not help you, as the selfish person might not care about whether you exist and that even hurt you more. Rather than, you should learn to detach yourself in a slow way, just a little bit with each passing day. When you carry on the attachment step, you would be more aware and you would see the selfish side of this person more clearly. That way, you will have strength to move way soon.

10. Retain Your Own Personality

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Do not change overnight. If you change just overnight, your selfish friend might walk away from you the next morning and that would hurt you more, leaving your feeling much weaker. When it comes to learning how to deal with selfish people, it is necessary for you to realize the real problem behind the scene.

In other words, this selfish person will realize that you are beginning to stand up for yourself and might be in the fear of losing you; they will begin to show more affection to you with the aim to get you back to the meek old self. Just try not falling for that ploy. Pretend like you are still the same person, yet within yourself, you begin the change to become a stronger new you.

11. Replicate Their Behavior

replicate their behavior

This is one of the weird tips on how to deal with selfish people. When you feel like you have strength to stand up for the new you and cope with the situation, let your selfish friend or family member see exactly themselves in you. Replicate their own behavior and begin behaving like they used to do. You should try to use them or be fake, like the selfish person. It is the time for them to get a taste of their own medicine. Once doing this, it will help you get back at this selfish person, and concurrently, help yourself how you are manipulated by this person.

In addition to these useful tips, if you want to know more how to deal with selfish people in family and at work, How To Stay Sane And Deal With A Selfish Person is the best book you should read.

12. Drip Away

drip away 

Selfish people never change themselves. They only look for someone to abuse and use. Frankly, they could not help it themselves. Thus, if you are trying to deal with a selfish person, do not try to change them because it will never work. Just get back at that person by behaving like how he or she behaved with you, and whenever you feel like you have strength to move, walk away if possible.

13. Concentrate On Your Own Value

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This may require spending less time with that selfish person for a while. Just focus on your hobbies and interests. Reconnect with those people who rub off in positive manners on you. Make use of positive affirmation such as, “I am really awesome person who does not mind sharing the last scoop of ice cream in the house”.

14. Decide Whether To Keep This Selfish Person In Your Own Life

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Well, if that selfish person is your family member, then you hardly get away of him or her, yet if he or she is your friend, you should consider the idea of keeping him or her in your life or not. Once you figure out perspective, this will be a much easier decision to make. Recognize that the person might have a temper tantrum at first if you set the limits and move on, yet do not let this sway yourself. Just stay strong when making a lucid decision. Actually, it is a loving act to stop the tolerating bad treatment, as it teaches other people how to be kinder. Obviously, it is not always an easy thing, yet it works.

In addition to these useful tips, if you want to know more how to deal with selfish people in family and at work, How To Stay Sane And Deal With A Selfish Person is the best book you should read.

15. Count To 10

count to 10

If you have to deal with a selfish person in the heat of a moment, overacting cannot solve anything. You should speak your own anger yet keep the end goal at peace. That means, there will be no screaming.

16. Be Patient

be patient

Just keep patient. Selfish individuals have usually had past experiences that have resulted in them using some dysfunctional self-protection techniques. Rather than despising the selfish people in your life, you should view them with compassion. You can continue to hold them accountable, yet do not allow them aggravating the behaviors to inspire you to behave in such the ways you normally would not.

Learning how to deal with selfish people is not an easy thing, yet it is not impossible thing either. Thus, if you know some tricks that work, then you can handle with it effectively.

Share your thoughts with us about this lifestyle topic of how to deal with selfish people below this post. We appreciate your ideas and will reply all soon!

In addition to these useful tips, if you want to know more how to deal with selfish people in family and at work, How To Stay Sane And Deal With A Selfish Person is the best book you should read.

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